When we try to do too many things, when we feel under pressure or underwater, no matter how good our intentions, our execution and delivery suffers.
I am simultaneously adoring life and struggling with stress and tiredness. Studying for the NCTJ is intense and demanding and I'm being pulled in, what feels like, at least 97 directions. There is never enough time to get everything done and there is always something to do. My television engagements, which I have always so dearly stuck to, are suffering terribly. I'm four episodes behind on Neighbours and don't even ask me who's left on Dancing on Ice.
There's PA and Media law revision, so much revision; there's shorthand practice, an hour a night; there's hunting down stories to pitch to The Argus - "you don't want to waste this opportunity"; then there's actually going to events and interviewing people and vox-popping your life away; there's the writing of stories and the writing of homework; there's the endless amounts of hole-punching and filing; there's reading newspapers, three a day preferably; and the journalism books that we simply must read; and there's blogging. We're told to blog, but I've always blogged, it should, therefore, be an easy requirement. The fact that I've always blogged though, for my personal enjoyment as well as for the opportunities it brings, means it's difficult to justify when I could be doing other work. I could do half an hour of shorthand instead of telling you how my day was or how much I liked or disliked the latest place I drank coffee. The result is a general somber average-ness, seeping through all my efforts and endeavours.
On top of all that (I know, cry me a river), I'm essentially doing a 9-5 and I've got to eat, sleep, and clean myself and my surroundings. Being a grownup is tough. Having a social life/getting to know the new people I'm around is an entirely outrageous notion. But I tend to ignore that bit.
Everything is a bit messy and a bit overwhelming, but so is most of life. I'm trying to work out how to prioritise, how to pass my exams and how to be happy. Not spending an entire day procrastinating on the Daily Mail sidebar (it is NOT research, Claire) would be a good start. For now, I apologise for the lack of blogging and the unfortunate lowering of standards, I promise I'll be good at writing again soon.
STORY.OF.MY.LIFE.
ReplyDeleteHonestly girl, I hear ya! When I first moved out and into my own place to work and study it seemed so exciting. I mean I got to do whatever I wanted right?! But the novelty soon wore off as I found myself constantly exhausted in this never-ending cycle of work-studying-reading-blogging-washing up-laundry-seeing friends. I would cry over forgetting to buy milk and felt like a total drama queen and loser because I was indeed 'doing a lot of things badly'.
However, two years down the line, I can go to the gym, put a load of washing on, shower, apply a full face of make up and cook bacon before 8am. (Y'know, sometimes... ;) )
Consider that you're running a lifestyle marathon when you've only ever run for the bus. You WILL get better at juggling everything, it's just a matter of practice. And everyone else that seems to be doing such a good job of it, is just faking it reeeally well.
You're gunna do great, and you're always gunna be good at writing. :) xx
Being a grown up is very tough, I hope you feel a bit more upbeat soon xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear everything's a little overwhelming at the moment lovely, it happens to us all once in a while but it is always horrible. Try to be kind to yourself and keep in sight what you're working for, I am sure the outcome will be worth the struggle you're facing right now and I hope you feel more settled soon xx
ReplyDeleteMy dearest, your blogging is never average and certainly NEVER below average!
ReplyDeleteChin up :)
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